I am too blessed to be stressed

Once upon a time, I worried about what people used to think of me, I used to stress over how to please other people, I used to be conscious of my every step incase someone would disapprove, from my closest friend to a random by passer. All I wanted was to be liked, accepted, be in with the crowd. Never once thought how much that weighed me down, I lived my life accordingly. According to what other people might think of me. The thing is. No matter how you are people will still have something to say, no amount of changing will stop that. You can’t please everyone I’ve realized that. I used to walk with knives in my back daily even from my closest contacts. I still do today the difference is I’ve got so many back there, that I’ve gotten use to walking with them. But now I just let them party at the back n keep strolling. But I will always be the one moving forward. So if your another one with a knife. Join the party il carry you too. People’s opinions are exactly that. Always remember to do you, and the rest, WELL… not your worry

Non stop

I feel like The ground beneath me is burning my feet.

I feel like the breeze around me hits me like a tonne of bricks.

I feel like there’s speakers in every angle I can hear every sound that exists.

I feel like I always catch the red lights.

I feel like I always time myself for the end of a long que.

Everytime I go to drink my coffee its already cold.

I feel like my control for myself has been taken from the world. 

Things that I hate on social media

One of my pet hates is people giving shoutouts to people on social media that don’t even have social media or put things out that shouldn’t be at all revealed.
‘Happy birthday dad you are the most loving and caring’ yadayadayada, nice words but have you told him in person? He don’t even have social media so why put it up on there? 

-appreciation posts, ‘shout out to my best friend, my partner in crime the one I do life with, my husband the best father in the world’ I mean HELLO how about shout him before he leaves for work in the morning and tell him instead of shouting him on insta where it looks pretty, but he probably won’t get.

Airing out dirty laundry- so my boyfriend is the biggest sweetheart I know but when it comes to special days like My Birthday or our Anniversary he not only forgets but when he remembers he don’t even get me anything. I’m not one to be materialistic but a girl deserves to be pampered now and then right? After all I do take care of the kids that may I add.. ahem.. I get no help from him, he comes home from work eats sleeps too tired to play with the kids but you know he works hard.. SNOOZEVILLE. 
The one that does my head head in. The funeral post. ‘RIP Joe Blog, you will forever be remembered. Yea mate Joe Blog gone he don’t have twitter anymore, I mean seriously. Some even have the balls to put up photos of the dead body in the coffin “rip” How is that even respecting the deceased or the family of the deceased?

Yes everyone has a right to put whatever they want on there social media. But i just think it’s getting out of control. Some things are intimate and deserve to be in house and personal things should be kept personal. 
Beyond your likes and shares there is still the real world. 

A month on 

A month on and we are still together, haven’t killed each other yet. I haven’t killed her son and I don’t think he hates me too much. We’ve had our ups and downs, I think we’ve all had our moments but all in all I think it hasn’t been too bad of a start. 
I actually don’t mind the kid, from my last blog or rant ( whichever you want to call it ) my gf and I had a chat. She brought to my attention that despite having to adapt and take on this new role or however I felt towards her son it shouldn’t affect the way I saw her and shouldn’t change the way I looked or even treated her. After a bit of time I realized she was right. I went from focusing my energy on her which was the most important thing to being a bit distant because of my own issues.
I guess reality is not reality until it’s real. The perfect thought or the idea of being together with your significant other clouds the reality of having her child in your life too.. I would use to think well I want to be with her and I love her yes she’s got a kid that’s just the package and he’ll just be there sort of thing, like we’ll still do us, but she can still have her time with him and I don’t have to be involved you know. He keeps out of my way I keep out of his, me and his mum would be together, everyone wins? Well.. not so easy.. and definitely not the way it pans out.
A month on and I think we will actually be ok.. hopefully he’s warming up to me. He’s actually quite good when he wants to be, he’s been raised around women dominant and I think me, coming from a family of boys dominant it’s clear to see the difference. 
Me and my partner are getting along heaps better i mean I accidentally made a joke about her son ( unintentional ) and she took it exactly for what it was, a joke. She smiled, almost cracked a laugh even ( baby steps ) we actually went out on a date the other night, took time out for ourselves with out her son which wasn’t very long I must admit but it was enjoyable. I love her company and I missed having her full attention. 
Please bring to your attention that it has only been a month living together and these issues are only hiccups and minor problems, that we will get through together. The things Im letting out are for some to be expected this early on. It just sometimes feels good to let things out ( for me by writing ) then let it build and build. 
Im excited I feel we are heading in the right direction.

 
What’s more, there may be a surprise revealed very shortly. It’s been cooking for a little while yet. 😜

The last supper

If today was your last day what would be your final request? 

1000 Big Mac burgers? A meal with the queen, one last watch of your favorite movie with a buffet of pizza and fries? A visit from Barrack Obama ? Who would you see what secrets will you reveal? You only have 24 hours to do what you want, kiss who you want or spend it by yourself your choice. 

How would you spend it? 

Crazy aye. The thing about this is in reality you’ll never know when you’ll get your last 24hrs. 

Spend your time wisely for tomorrow will always take care of itself. 

Im just not cutting it

Everything I say is negative, everything I comment is a dig, having a go, hurtful I’ve changed from being the number one fan to the enemy that brings my partner down.
My partner just recently moved with her 8 yr old son from a different country to stay with me. We’ve been doing the long distance thing for over a year and a half now. Things were great almost perfect given the circumstances. We saw each other 2, 3 times a month spend every day on the phone for hours on end it was like we were together even though we were miles apart.

I asked her to move over because I couldn’t stand the thought of being apart.

On the phone we would spend hours before we would get off, don’t know what we talked about but I’d enjoy sitting there sometimes not even talking just the sound of her breathing made me happy. From sunset to sunrise even somedays. 
We went through some things for her to get over but now she’s here, it’s like we just argue all the time, I can’t seem to say the right thing and I feel her tolerance of things I’d say or do is minimal. 
I love my partner with everything I have, would never make her feel bad intentionally or bring her down, nor hurt her in any way shape or form. 
Here lays the biggest problem. Everything we disagree with has something to do with her son. I know there’s a settling in period but it’s hard for me to let some things slip. Which brings us to our next dilemma. Do I just not say anything to him or about him to her because she’ll get mad or it may start another argument? Do I just sit back and watch my partner do her best. 

Do I let this child run this household and me walk on ice. We come from very different backgrounds hence why we see things a little different sometimes. Which makes things harder he’s not my kid i can’t treat him like my own cause he’s not, and il be stepping on someone else’s toes if I tried. but he is still living under my roof. 

I want to get closer to him but the way I know how doesn’t go down to well with his mum, wether that be the way I talk to him joke with him. I can never say the right thing. 
I need to fix this some how. I love my partner so much but I think we need to find a solution. I don’t want it to get out of hand.